9
Abimelek
Abimelek, Jerub-Baal (az Gideon) boy, go by his muddah braddahs inside Shekem town, an tell dem an all his muddah family, “Try aks all da men Shekem side, ‘Az mo betta fo you guys get all seventy Jerub-Baal boys fo yoa leadas? O mo betta ony one guy?’ No foget, us ohana, aah?!”
Wen his uncles aks all da men guys Shekem side bout dis, dey tink az good dey go wit Abimelek, cuz dey tell, “He oua braddah!” Dey give him twenny-eight ounce silva from da Baal-Berit temple. Abimelek use da silva fo pay some no good buckaloose guys fo back him up. He go his faddah house inside Ofrah town, an on top one big rock he kill his seventy half braddahs, Jerub-Baal boys. Ony Jotam, Jerub-Baal younges boy, get outa dea an hide. Den all da men guys inside Shekem an Bet-Millo come togedda by da side a da big oak tree an da big stan up stone inside Shekem, fo make Abimelek dea king.
Somebody tell Jotam bout dat. So den he go up on top Mount Gerazim an yell to dem, “Lissen me, you Shekem men guys! Fo God lissen you guys bumbye! One time, jalike da trees go out fo pick one tree fo make um king fo dem. Dey tell da olive tree, ‘You come king fo us guys!’
“But da olive tree tell dem, ‘You tink I goin give up my oil, dat peopo use fo show respeck fo da gods an fo odda peopo, jus fo go wave my branches ova da odda trees?! Naah!’
10 “Nex, da trees tell da fig tree, ‘You come king fo us guys!’
11 “But da fig tree tell dem, ‘You tink I goin give up my fruit, dass real good an sweet, an go wave my branches ova da odda trees?! No ways!’
12 “Den da trees tell da grape plant, ‘You come king fo us guys!’
13 “But da grape plant tell dem, ‘You tink I goin give up my wine, dat make da gods an da peopo same same come good inside, fo go wave my branches ova da odda trees?! Not even!’
14 “Bumbye, all da trees tell da plant wit da big sharp thorn, ‘You come king fo us guys!’
15 “Da thorn plant tell da trees, ‘If az true, dat you guys like pick me fo come da king fo you guys, come unda my shade fo me proteck you. But if you no like, den I like da fire come outa dis thorn plant, an burn up da big cedar trees inside Lebanon!’ ”
16 Den Jotam tell: “Kay den. Maybe you Shekem guys tell da trut. An maybe you wen do da right kine ting wen you make Abimelek yoa king. An maybe you do da right kine ting fo Jerub-Baal an his blood line. An maybe you make to him how you suppose to—but you guys neva do notting lidat! 17 Try tink! My faddah wen fight fo you guys. He almos wen mahke fo get you guys outa da Midian guys powa. 18 But today, you guys go agains my faddah ohana, an kill his seventy boys on top da big rock! You make Abimelek, dat wen born from one slave girl, come da king fo da Shekem peopo, cuz he yoa braddah! 19 Maybe az true an az da right ting fo do. Den wat you guys wen do today show you guys get respeck fo Jerub-Baal an his ohana. Den let Abimelek make you guys stay good inside, an you guys make him stay good inside too! 20 But if az not how, den I like da fire come out from Abimelek an burn you leada guys up, an fire come out from you leada guys from Shekem an Bet-Millo an burn up Abimelek!”
21 Den Jotam run away to Beer-Sheba town, an he live ova dea, cuz he sked his braddah Abimelek.
22 Afta Abimelek stay in charge a da Israel peopo fo three year, 23 God sen one spirit fo make da Shekem guys come hamajang an go agains Abimelek. Dey do stuff dat show Abimelek dat dey no trus him. 24 God make lidat fo him pay back Abimelek an da Shekem guys fo da bad kine stuff dey wen do agains Jerub-Baal seventy boys. Az cuz da Shekem guys wen help Abimelek kill his braddahs. 25 Fo go agains Abimelek, da Shekem mens put guys on top all da hills fo hide dea fo jump Abimelek. Dey jump all da peopo dat pass thru dea on top da road, fo rip dem off. Somebody tell Abimelek wat dey stay do.
26 Dat time, Gaal, Eved boy, go move house Shekem town wit his braddahs. Da main Shekem guys trus him fo come dea leada. 27 Wen harves time come, da Shekem guys all go out inside dea fields, an bring in da grapes, an step um fo make wine. Den dey make one big party inside da temple fo dea god. Wen dey stay eat an drink, dey put plenny kahuna on top Abimelek.
28 Den Gaal, Eved boy, tell, “Who dis buggah Abimelek?! An why us Shekem guys goin let him stay in charge a us guys, aah? Dis Abimelek guy, he Jerub-Baal boy, aah? An Zebul his helpa. But you guys suppose to work fo Hamor, dat was Shekem faddah long time befo time. So! How come us guys gotta work fo Abimelek?! No need! 29 I not da leada fo dis peopo hea. But if you guys let me lead you, den I goin throw him out! I goin tell Abimelek, ‘Tell all yoa army guys fo come!’ ”
30 Wen da mayor Zebul fo Shekem town hear wat Gaal tell, he come real huhu. 31 He sen messenja guys by Abimelek secret kine. Dey tell, “You know wat?! Gaal, Eved boy, wen come Shekem. He make da peopo ova hea inside Shekem go agains you. 32 So. Nite time, you an yoa guys gotta hide inside da fields. 33 Morning time get up early, wen da sun come up. Attack da town! Wen Gaal an his guys come outside fo fight you, do wateva you gotta do!”
34 So Abimelek an all his army guys go way from dea camp nite time. Dey come hide nea Shekem, four place. 35 Gaal, Eved boy, go out an stan nea da town gate. An right den an dea, Abimelek an his army guys come outa wea dey stay hide.
36 Gaal spock dem, an he tell Zebul, “Look! Get army guys stay come down from da mountains!”
Zebul tell um, “Not! Wat you see, look jalike peopo, but az jus da shadow from da mountains!”
37 But Gaal talk one mo time: “No! Look! Get army guys coming down from da middo a da land. An odda guys come da road from da oak tree wea peopo talk wit da mahke peopo spirits.”
38 Den Zebul tell um, “So! You still like talk big now, o wat?! You wen tell, ‘Who dis buggah Abimelek, dat us guys gotta let him stay in charge a us?’ Dese da guys, you wen make fun a dem befo time! Now, go out an fight um!” 39 So Gaal lead da Shekem guys out. Dey fight Abimelek. 40 Abimelek guys chase Gaal guys. Plenny Shekem guys get hurt wen dey running an fall down, all da way to da town gate. 41 Abimelek stay inside Arumah, an Zebul throw Gaal an his braddah guys outa Shekem.
42 Da nex day, da Shekem guys go out to da fields. Somebody tell Abimelek. 43 So he take his army guys, an split dem three ways. Dey go hide inside da fields. Wen he see da peopo coming outa da big town, he jump up an wack um. 44 Abimelek an da guys wit him run quick to da Shekem town gate. Den da odda two parts a his guys run afta da Shekem army guys inside da fields, an wack dem. 45 All dat day, Abimelek fight da peopo from da town, till he take ova da town an kill da peopo. Den he bus up Shekem town, an scatta plenny salt all ova da groun.
46 Wen da importan guys dat live inside da Shekem towa hear dat, dey run down an hide inside one strong room undaneat da El-Berit temple. 47 Abimelek hear dat da leada guys all come togedda ova dea. 48 So Abimelek an all his army guys go up Mount Zalmon. He take one ax, an cut off some tree branches. He put da branches on top his shoulda, an tell his guys, “Quick! Do wat I wen do!” 49 So all da guys cut branches an follow Abimelek. Dey put da branches on top da strong room, an burn um. Dass how all da peopo from da Shekem towa mahke, bout one tousan guys an wahines.
50 Nex, Abimelek go Tebez, an put army guys all aroun um, an take ova. 51 But inside Tebez town get one strong towa. All da guys an wahines from da town run inside dea. Dey lock da door, an go up on top da flat roof ova da towa. 52 Abimelek go by da towa, an attack um. But wen he go nea da door fo burn um up, 53  9:53: 2Sam 11:21one wahine drop one big stone fo grind flour on top his head, an smash his skull.
54 Real fas he call da guy dat carry his stuff fo fight, an tell um, “Take yoa sword an kill me, fo dem no tell, ‘One wahine wen kill Abimelek!’ ” Az why his helpa guy stab um, an he mahke. 55 Wen da Israel guys see dat Abimelek mahke, dey go home.
56 Az how God pay back Abimelek fo da bad kine stuff he wen do to his faddah wen he kill his seventy half braddahs. 57 An God make da Shekem guys pay fo all da bad kine stuff dey wen do. Da kahuna Jerub-Baal boy Jotam wen put on top dem, happen.

9:53 9:53: 2Sam 11:21